Forever Yours
by orca whale dreams
Summary: draco writes hermione a letter telling her some things that he has known for awhile. he just needed to tell her. DMHG. PG-13 just 'cuz...


Ok I know I said that I would write a new chapter of my existing fics but I was sick on Tuesday and I couldn't think about anything correctly. I have another songfic that I wanted to do but I couldn't see how that could come together properly. I was laying on my sofa in major pain from feeling so crappy, listening to my d/c cd and I heard track 11 and it was perfect. I knew how to write it and I knew where it would go and it worked. It took my mind off being sick. I finished it last night right as I was starting to fall asleep. My Jou proofread it today and said it was really good. I trust my Jou very much and he doesn't care for Harry Potter all that much. I make him read about half my stuff and he always responds with something like, " I don't know. It was good, I guess. It was ok." But this time, he said it was good. He was sure of it. It actually got his mind off of his current mindset (and that is very hard to do when it comes to Jou) I hope that you all enjoy as much as he did. Have fun! Whoa... what the hell was that...  
  
Disclaimer: Draco and Hermione (and all other cameo characters) as well as the setting and events that were remembered by Draco are all ideas created and written by J. K. Rowling. "Hold On" is written by Christopher Enders Carraba of the band Dashboard Confessional. I am being way too formal. So, hoo-ha! :giggles: I needed to make my disclaimer actually a lilygreeneyes disclaimer. It was just too formal. :mwa: to all! Read on...  
  
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"Forever Yours"  
  
Hermione-  
  
How did you do it? No one else has ever achieved it. No one else has ever made me feel before. You made me feel hatred, jealousy, admiration, so much more. Before you, I was nothing but a shell. I never felt, I lived through the motions. I was told how to act all my life. There was no other way. You allowed me to live; I mean, actually really live.  
  
*I think she gave me something to live for*  
  
I always saw you as mine. You were mine. Even with Potter and Weasley by your side at all times, you really were mine. I saw you watch me, though I never did see the same emotions that other girls directed at me. I knew you hated me. I tried to convince myself that I hated you as well. It never really worked. My father somehow knew what I was feeling, and I received the worst beating of my life just for FEELING. It had nothing to do with the feelings being for you but just having feeling at all. I was always told not to feel, and then at eleven years old, you appeared. Father told me to call you mudblood whenever I could, because to him, that's all you were. You weren't this girl who was brilliant, confidant, beautiful, slightly imperfect but in a good way, perfecting, joyful, loyal, friendly, everything I could never be without being punished. I did call you mudblood. You don't know how much it hurt ME to do so. I felt accomplished for completing Father's orders, but to see the tears brimming your eyes. I never saw you cry before. For a stupid 12-year-old who never felt before, you made me hurt so bad after that. Every time I called you mudblood, I saw you get stronger in your eyes, but I swear, you were taking that strength from me. Did you notice that I practically stopped calling you any names once they stopped hurting so much? It was because something in me died every time I thought I might have hurt you.  
  
*I had a habit of dying*  
  
Every thing seemed to fit perfectly. Nothing was unexpected. I had gotten used to hurting myself with every insult to you. You got used to me being insulting. You knew exactly when I would say anything derogatory to your friends. You would hold Weasley back when I insulted his family and tell him I wasn't worth it. Was I really not worth it?  
  
*I guess I helped her pass her time*  
  
What happened to the accuracy? Everything I ever expected from you flew out the window that day in third year. I thought you were used to me insulting people you loved. I called that wild oaf of yours pathetic so many times before, but not once did I ever get touched for it. Did I say it in the wrong tone of voice? Is that what caused you to hit me? I don't expect pain to be involved with you. You were so furious. I would've sworn you were even more beautiful with all the anger, but I only ever saw that much anger when it was directed at me. Had you been planning that? Waiting for that perfect moment to destroy everything I had ever thought of you. Are you capable of knowing my admiration for you?  
  
*I had a vision of seeing things straight  
  
She had the heart of a liar*  
  
Did you know that I went to see you every night in second year? I would follow you to Gryffindor tower and get the password, and then I would wait for a few hours, and tell the sleeping portrait the password. I bet she thought I was some mischievous first year, you know, the little 11 year olds that would stay out way past curfew and then come in and go to bed. Or are those only in Slytherin? Maybe. I knew the charm on the staircase (a staple for all Slytherins) and made it so I wouldn't fall down the stone slide if it became aware I was male. I would watch you sleep; you were so innocent, never angry. I know the whole watching you sleep thing sounds a bit stalker-ish, but I swear I wasn't stalking you. I just liked to watch you sleep. Your dormitory was ever so peaceful, who wouldn't want to be there, especially to watch a beautiful girl look like a heaven sent angel? I swear I am not obsessed with you, Hermione. I swear it. When you were petrified, I was almost joyful. No more sneaking around Gryffindor Tower. I sat next to you every night in the hospital wing. I saw the tearstains that were petrified on your face along with you. I saw the fresh wounds that everyone was too dumb to notice. They all thought I wasn't worried about you. I was, just not in the same way. I knew you were going to be fine. Mostly. I had faith in Professor Sprout. She's a self-proclaimed genius. She would be able to make the potion to cure you. I was worried about what would happen after you were cured. Would you keep hurting? And when you were a cat (might I add that you were the prettiest cat-girl I have ever seen. And don't you dare think that I have only seen one cat-girl. I've seen at least five, and you by far were the best.) I saw the bald spots that occur with burning oneself. I know Hermione. I know all about your little indiscretions.  
  
*She had a history of killing herself*  
  
I was frightened. I was afraid my Hermione would leave me and I didn't want that to happen. I would have protected you, but we both know that you hated me. I couldn't even come near you without one of the golden trio questioning me. I could've told you at any time that I knew you burned yourself, but you would have written it off as blackmail, not concern. I know that all you little Gryffindors think I'm evil little death eater spawn... well, I am, but that is far beyond the point. (See, I am funny when I want to be.) I was worried, Hermione. I was worried about you. I want to know why Pomfrey never said anything to anyone with the multiple times you were in the hospital wing during second year. When did it start, Hermione? How long have you been burning yourself? What do you do it with? A candle? A matchstick? What? When? Where?  
  
Why?  
  
Why, Hermione? Why did you do it? Was it to be unpredictable? Was it to shatter me even further?  
  
...Or was it to shatter you?  
  
*I never saw her leaving me once  
  
But she never felt me beside her*  
  
You are a fascination. You are a miracle. You are confident in a world that isn't yours. You love everybody for no reason, but loathe them for a reason greater than death. You are loyal beyond a doubt, but pained for a reason too far beneath the surface. You are stronger than I ever could be, just like I am weaker than you ever could have been. You made a numb boy feel. You made a rash boy calm. You made a fearful boy open up. You made a grown man cry. You made a distrusting man trust. You have worked many miracles, and not all of them were on me. I would swear you were an angel in disguise if I didn't know you weren't. But do I really know that? I think you still might be. Can you be my angel? You were mine before. I know you were. Even if you say no, I will forever be yours, Hermione Granger. I think, no, I know I love you. I have loved you for a long time, I believe. Ever since I laid eyes on you. Ever since you made me feel. That's how long I've loved you. As long as I have been jealous of you. As long as I have hated you. As long as I have admired you. As long as I have felt you.  
  
That's how long I have loved anything.  
  
But I don't just love anything. I love you.  
  
I'm sure of it.  
  
Forever yours,  
  
-Draco Lucius Malfoy  
  
*It's cruel but she's got a good hold on me.*  
  
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Did you like it? If you did, tell me. If you didn't, tell me. If you want to strangle your best friend for cheating with your boy/girl friend, aw what the hell, tell me that, too. Really, just review I don't care what you say. For all I fucking care, flame me! I just want some reviews. I'm spoiled. This is a one-shot. I don't know, I might make a sequel to it as a different story (also one shot) if enough people ask for one, but I won't if no one wants it. Just PLEASE review. I like reviews. Hope you liked it (R/R!) love y'all!  
  
~Lily *  
  
P.S.: I would also like to note how much I really hate this place (yet love it all at the same time...) 


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